Sarcasm

One of the things I admire most about my dad was he said what he meant and meant what he said.  Added to that, he was not hurtful.  He was careful to not hurt feelings, yet could get his point across.  He could be very direct in a kind way.  I want that.
Yesterday my sweetheart Rita brought up a few things I have been doing.  I can be pretty sarcastic at times.  I learned this as a matter of survival in my previous marriage.  It became a oneupsmanship competition.  It was a way for me to save face.  It became almost habit.
Sarcasm caused people at work to stay away from me.  If they would do something, my attempt at humor would cause them to be embarrassed.  I looked like the funny guy for a moment, they felt worse for a long time.  After a while they would stay away.
So, today I did some research.  I found an article on the effects of sarcasm.  It wasn't pretty.  If someone is already stressed, sad, lonely, etc. and faced with my dose of sarcasm, it made things even worse.  All for me to look funny for a moment.  Here is a quote:
"Though it’s often camouflaged as humor, sarcasm is really just a convenient way for people to express hurt feelings, criticize others, or disapprove of some action without actually coming out and saying what’s on their minds."
Powerful stuff.  I need to say what is on my mind, in a kind way.  Period.  Like Dad.  Another quote:
"When you resort to sarcasm to get a point across in a disguised manner, it demonstrates a lack of conviction and courage to say what you really mean. Although an occasional sarcastic remark may seem harmless, remember that people judge your character every day by what you say as well as how you act. The collective result of those judgments is your reputation."
I taught my kids sarcasm.  I am sure I hurt some people all while trying to be funny. 
It has been said the greatest weapon we have is our mouth.  In a moment we can hurt feelings, cause anger and resentment, and build distrust. 
I don't like that about myself.  This article also states:
"Keep a mental or written list of the reactions and consequences you notice when those around you are the target of sarcasm. This awareness alone will be a powerful motivator to change your own behavior.
Think before you speak. Considering how your words will be received is a very effective way to monitor your speech.
Enlist a trusted friend or partner who is willing to enter a sarcasm-free zone with you.  Agree that you will hold each other accountable when you hear the other person using sarcasm. "
I do not want my reputation to be some that hurts, but someone to say what he means.  To be someone people can trust.  I'm going to work on it.  One day at a time.  David